Some of the most toughest days of my life!

Well I have to say that the last few days have been very tough on me, emotionally speaking. As the dynamic with Maarit and Antti was about to change as their friends Jussi and Mikko were coming back from the Solomons.
So I knew in my heart that the dynamic of which I had enjoyed was about to change. And this change was weighing heavily on my heart. I guess it is hard to describe here - the fear of being the outcast again as it was when I was at school was welling in my heart.
Which in turn started to cause my heart to harden, in a defence to this "imaged" isolation. So I found myself in this wrestle, trying to keep my heart from being harden once again and with the fear of being isolated once again. So I have to say that my heart has been pulled this way and that way. I still find it so hard to be open and transparent! Even to the point where I need to turn to a computer journal to express my battles!
So it has been tough couple of days!