Not the best of days

Well I have to confess that today was not one of my better days (spiritually speaking). I guess I wanted to 'ignore' God today. Didn't really connect with God in the morning with prayer, actually I feel asleep and during the day my heart was not really focused on God. An example is a conversation I had with one of my workmates, wasn't dirty/evil but it was not something I would have talked about had Jesus been there in the flesh.
I feel that this 'ignoring God' day comes from my recent failures. As I am struggling to walk in the miraculous, or more to the point to take the step of faith into the miraculous.
My pastor is trying to encourage us all to step out and to expect the miraculous. To pray for people that we would meet at the shops, who are sick and expect the miraculous to happen. Now at work during the last couple of days, there has been at least two people who in general conversation shared of physical pain. And when it arose the thought comes 'I could pray for them' and then fear rises up (fear of man and fear that God wont show up) and then comes the thought 'no, not now' and the momment passes.
So disappointment and frustraion, feeling like a failure - you know the thoughts that floods ones soul when we don't pursue God to the full.
But it is like the 'penny has not dropped' for me in this aspect of the miraculous side of the Kingdom. I know the truth in my head but it's like it hasn't descending into my heart and become life changing revelation. The type of revelation where there is no turning back, you know, the revelation of our need for a saviour etc...
Lucky for us all that the grace of God is so full and so complete that He looks pass our stuff ups and just sees His child!